Mothers day ( happy, bittersweet or sad? )

So I wake up to my beautiful children’s cheers and their handmade cards and beautiful flowers daddy let them pick them self, daddy made us breakfast and had a surprise for Mama and it was a new kettle and toaster completely unexpected but totally the best gift ever!!!! As our old one only work on one side… So 2 toast at a time. But I am not needy in a materialistic way so I always try to make things last.. but in my heart I wanted a new one and my hubby just knew💐❤💐 we are having a chill morning, movies popcorn biscuits… everything I ever wanted in this one room❤❤❤❤❤❤❤ I am biased but I am not showing off as I know some people are suffering on mothers day, some have lost their mom to heaven some have just lost them to this earth, some wants to be mums , some have lost their babies… some are single, whatever you are I rate you!!!! You are amazing!!! I was or am one who always found mothers day hard! I haven’t got a mum myself so for me it’s bittersweet, I love my role and I love my children more than words!!! I don’t really speak of her as it’s very hard! She is still on this earth, but just not in my life by her own choice! And that is something that’s really hard to live with. But I don’t want this to be a sad post… this is a uplifting post!

What ever you do today weather you have kids or not ? Mums or not.. remember yourself because you always have your self❤ do something nice for yourself.. have you lost then gain! If you haven’t got anyone to buy you flowers buy your self them and look at them with proudness of how far you’ve come. Pain is a strange thing, but as I have lived with it for so long I know one thing… i will not stay forever! It will get better!!! All you have to have is a will.. where there is a will there is way❤💐❤

Whatever your situation is your are never alone not in your happiness or your sadness….

Wish you all a happy day ladies…

Happy mothers day…

From a broken daughter💔 but a heart full bursting mama❤

After rain sun always appear…..

#mothersday #speadinglight #youarenotalone #happymum #daughter #nothavingamom #pain #happy #mindfullness #discoverunder1k #follow #support #writer #sadonmothersday #happytimes #positive #life #truth #mummyblogger #selfcare #mom

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Loss of determination then gaining it back…

So I was soo determined to make big changes, I kind of lost my determination. It’s because I am so unsure of everything…

My questions why me ? Why don’t I have family? Why don’t I have real friend? It’s me me me me me!!! Well an important thing I’ve learnt..

If anyone reading this have ever felt like why me????

Then let me tell you a revolution for me was!!!

Because you let them! Yes because you let your self get used, you let people walk all over you! You be too nice! And then when you’ve had enough people won’t understand what’s happened too you. Because they don’t see they did anything wrong because you LET them!

It does make it right… but try to do something different this time..

I am very mindful and changes My self shows me I care I care a lot! I want to be the best version of my self!

I am still in the middle but each day is a little closer…

If you are struggling with any kind of uncertainty about who you are or feel lost or don’t know where you belong. Then you are not alone…

And my inbox is always open to help as much as I can….

More mindful writting coming up..

Please share my blog with you friend and family as I would love to grow my little space..

#personal #mummyblog #mindfulness #honest #growingmyblog #sharemyfriends #follow #honestwritting #changes #determined #best #selflove #selfcare #startingover #newme #dontgiveup #youarenotalone #deep #positive

Tomorrow is the 1st day of the rest of my life…..

So tonight I am saying goodbye!! Goodbye to the shy me, the sad me, the not happy with my weight me, the insecure me, the quite me, the oppressed me, the fixing everyone me, the lost me, the unhappy me, the negative me, the scared me, the uncertain me, the pleaser me , the afraid to be happy me, the worned out me, the tired me, the lonely me.. I am saying good to the old me! And waking up to a new day and new me! I am the only one in the way of living the life I want! I am scared to start afraid that I acually might find something good! So I draw a line here ____________ no more!!!

Tomorrow I am gonna start back at eating healthy and doing exercise.

I am going to look into how I can better my self

Do the things I need to do to move forward.

I am going to put my self first sometimes when I really need to.

I am going to find my destination.

I need to look after my self.

I have no idea what I am doing with this blog of mine…

I just know that if there is even 1 person out in this huge world that can relate to me or my words then I might have accomplish what I wanted!!!!!

#changes #changing #goodbye #hello #negative #positive #soulseaching #mindfulness #lettinggo #strong #mum #selflove #positive #life #weightloss #unhappy #findinghappiness

Feeling like a failure💔

So ever woke up thinking what am I doing? And seeing no direction in life? Lost motivation because you’ve been on robot mode for so long? I have👋 it’s very hard for me to admit or talk about but I am socially shy and I feel like I don’t know who I am? I wake up and just do what I have to do! I STOPPED having dreams a long time ago as growing up they was always crushed! I have many things I want to do but getting them started always seems so overwhelming, and almost impossible! I don’t know who I am other than a wife and a mum and it’s scary! It’s a real struggle! I get a bit of anxiety thinking about what I am going to do when my youngest go to school! I feel lost without my kids! I know that sounds so sad! And I’m not a lazy person I worked harder than most! But I feel like a loser! I am extremely grateful for my family as it’s something I always saw as a goal and feel extremely lucky to have had my kids young and kinda “grown” with them… but what now? I feel like I’ve spent the last 10years worrying about everyone else’s needs that I acually don’t know who I am or what to do when I am alone… but I wake up and feel like I’ve failed in some way like I’ve done so much damage to my self and I don’t know if I am ever going to find my self? Will missing being me in my 20’s leave me backwards in my 30s.. I don’t want to be some sort of successful business women because my success is my family… but I can’t think it’s selfish to want something for “me” that gives me another feeling of also being a person before I got married and had kids! It’s just I think all the things I wanna do people have already done so what’s the point? And all the things I try never have any success… sorry for the rant! I feel like I am having some sort of midlife crisis at 30👀 I just can’t find myself! Who even am I? Other than loving wife and devoted mum? So sorry if this all sounds crazy..

Would love to hear if any of you have ever felt like this and how did you overcome it????

#30s #mum #wife #findingmyself #writtingisfreeing #mummyblogger #selfcare #feelings #healing #rant #losingyourself #mummy #women #workingonmyself #mindfulness #lettinggo #strong #parenthood #love #life #youngmum #startinglate #lessons

Letting go part 1 #mindful

When life knocks you down and you want to get back up but you don’t know how to???????

This is how I feel, in the matter of months I’ve lost so many people! And when it’s real life “unfollows” it really hurts! Some people are blaming me! As I took a decision to say no to over a decade of bullying and back talking and being made to feel smaller and less worthy than others! I could not pretend that I was living a normal life, with normal people as their behaviour was everything but normal! You try so hard but nothing is good enough, you are never appreciated, never respected? Then why keep on humiliating yourself? But loneliness is such a hard thing to go though? How do I look forward to special times on my own now? With no one to call or invite? This is not how I had imagined my life! This is not why I forgave over and over again… it was to have people around us. To make happy memories❤ but now it all seems like all the years of effort has gone to waste and I’m sat here with regret of letting people use me every single time use my kindness, use my politeness! I should have said enough is enough 10years ago.. but I didn’t… so what do i do now? What do i do? How do I start? I am left with 1 question… is it me? Was it my fault? Every single person always leaves or has to be left behind? Am I the problem? No matter how hard I try to answer these 1000 questions in my head I can’t get an answer! I honestly feel completely lost! All the things that I once seem to be so confident about I am all of a sudden so confused about….

Sorry if this makes no sense…

This is my part 1 of letting go…

#letitgo #lettinggo #strong #mum #selflove #positive #breakups #confussed #lost #bullying #mummyblogger #personalblog #selfheal #healing #followfriday #support #life #smile #help #love

#killthemwithkindness

Goodbye 2018…

Oh how you come so fast and left even faster, you will stay in my heart forever❤ this year was a big year for me personally as it was my last baby’s milestone 1st unicorn birthday, then I went all out with a Harry potter party for my son. And the month after I had my big 30 bash! Which I will never forget❤ then followed on the 2 other kids birthdays which was joint. Then summer where we ventured to Manchester to explore as well as a week in London to explore. New school year start and my first baby started year 6🤔 so high school looking and applying which I will do a blog about was really stressful. On came some stress on the personal side, family stress. And learning to not depend on anyone, stopping to try to reach out to people ( I say people) but these are very close relatives. But I decide that enough was enough. And take a stand for my self. Which has been the toughest but liberating thing. Then the holidays of over eating followed with a HOLIDAY abroad which was our first as a family of 6. And then starting my business in the start if the year too. Deciding that I have to move on as it’s taking too much time and I am not making any money. So it will continue a hobby. I want to remember this year will with joy, love, and happiness. As they overshadow the cry, tears, stress and pain. I will say goodbye a stronger person than I was a year ago and a much more motivated to be the best i can be instead of accepting to just cope.

Goodbye 2018…

You will be cherished.

I am exited of what 2019 holds for me..

#goodbye2018 #newyear #2019 #cherish #standingup #notobullying #mindfulness #lettinggo #strong #mum #selflove #positive #momlife #30s #milestones #joyovertears #nomoretears #family #women

Santa Pancakes🎅

So this is such a fun thing to do with my kids, they genuinely love being in the kitchen with me. So these pancakes are so much fun to make and super easy when you have kids 😉

So to begin you will need.

Strawberries

Squirty cream

Pancakes

Chocolate buttons

First you cut strawberries and put them at the top as Santa’s hat.

Then you squirt the cream as his beard.

Then add chocolate buttons as his eyes and mouth.

And a strawberry for his nose…

And that’s it you have a delicious santa pancake 🎅

Super fun under 5mins recipe to do with kids..

#mumlife #kids #santa #cookingwithkids #easy #recipe #halfterm #mom #boredombusters #qualitytime #kitchen #fun

Giving others a taste of their own medicine….

Now this is something I have never liked!! if someone has acted in a curtain way towards me I choose to ignore it.. BUT! sometimes that comes under accepting bullying.

I don’t know about you guys? Have you ever been bullied? Obviously I’m not in school anymore so for some it would sound crazy, but in adulthood you can also get bullied, cyber bullying, colleagues, friends and family can also bully. In my case it’s been within family. And I think that one specifically is very hard to deal with because we have this painted picture of what family is suppose to be like? And bullying is far from it. So it’s hard to accept it. Hard to say NO! It’s hard overall.

But sometimes you have to say goodbye to toxic people in your life weather they are family or not! They are not healthy.

I have put up with back talking, name calling, being igorored, being left out. Talking down to, laugh at! And much for… but these past months was a turning for me! I STOPPED TRYING TO PLEASE THEM! I forced my self to say if they don’t like me it’s not my problem. It’s their loss.

I know I am a good person, who has always treated them with respect and love that they didn’t deserve.

Has it been easy NO!

but it’s worth it. I might feel lonely now, especially around occasions. But in the everyday life I feel relief that they are not watching and dictating my every move pulling me down..

So if anyone is in a similar situation, i understand! And my inbox is always open to anyone who is going though a hard time.

#support #bullying #antibullying #imhere #newblog #mumblogger #sayinggoodbye #toxic #ignoring #strong #mum #selflove #positive #reflecting #standuptobullying #help #heal #love #family #choosekindness #kind #live #laugh #love

#mindfulness #lettinggo #mindfulmotherhood

Learning to stand up for my self( the start)

920201891048.jpgEver feel like people hurt you, don’t appreciate you or take advantage of your kindness? That’s how I have felt for many years… I have wondered why? Why me?

Why is people always mean to me?

Is something wrong with me? I am convinced not all can be wrong it must be me?

And then it hit me ” people can only treat you the way YOU let them”

I let people walk all over me? I comfort them in their bad days but sit alone in my bad days.

I am scared to stand up for my self, in case they dislike me or I hurt them?

I don’t speak my needs.

I always break my own heart to give the pieces to fix their hearts.

I try to see good in people even though I should not!

I am only needed when they need me! The rest of the time I am like dirt on the doormat. Or maybe I have been a doormat they can wipe their feet on.

But no more! Enough even if it means I have no one expect my own little family. That’s what I have to do! Because I am done, pretending like I don’t get hurt I am human too i have feelings.

It’s scary, but I will start to say NO! To say i will not put up with this! I will cut people out that are toxic for me! That make advantage of my kindness!

I will always choose kindness, but I will no longer choose to let people use to or treat me bad..

This is just the start…..

I will take you with me step by step…

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#standup #fightforyourself #mindfulness #kindness #love #hurt #emotional #justthestart #writingmyheartout #therapy #lettinggo #strong #mum #disfuctionalsituations #motivation #positive #selflove #2018

Finding your self again!

So just in general once you become a mum, a lot of things change not only your priorities, your body, your time, your energy, your mind also changes.

I was one of “those” that thought you could do every thing with kids and that kids was not a !stop! to anything! And I didn’t think that even after having my first, I think carried on as normal as I could..

Yes my body had changed a lot! My priorities defiantly had as well as my time which was all spent with this gorgeous baby of mine❤ and all my energy was spent worrying about her needs… and that’s when it started I never realised and after almost a decade I’ve realised THAT is the first step to losing your self!

When we forget about us self!!!!

So after my first I had my second then my 3rd and 4th… and I am so use to looking after everyone before me.

So for the past few months I’ve been soul searching and have realised that’s where we go wrong us mamas we need to mother ourself once in a while so we feed our own soul too so it does not disappear. I’ve been talking about losing my mojo, my purpose as I feel my only purpose is my family, and I feel really uncomfortable without my hubby and kids. But feeling like that has made me realise that I’ve forgotten myself, I don’t feel comfortable with myself! I doubt myself all the time! I think this happens when you have kids young like me, because you haven’t fully found your way yet. So going off track makes it a lot harder to find your way back into things such as education and careers.

So I thought kids would not change me, but the truth is being a mum has changed me a lot ( for a lot of better ways)

But as I’m finding my self I do take out time daily, to feed my soul again.

* Listen to a few songs while kids are occupied for 10mins.

* having a bath (lol) yes this is a task after kids😁

*reading

* writting a diary

* watch motivatial videos

*exercise

* anything creative

* anything that puts a smile on my face ( beside kids or hubby)

These all only take 5-10 mins as it’s so it’s not time challenging.

And it’s doing wonders, I am remembering myself more, thinking of what I want and need in my future not just as a mum or wife but as ME!

It’s important to nature your mind and soul. And being “mum” is the best job possible and I am truly grateful and it’s my life’s biggest accomplishment to have achieved that role! But I am also a young woman with tons of dreams trying to find her way in this huge world, so that she can be proud of her self so her little family can be proud of her but most of all her daughter’s will be proud and look up to her and never give up on any of their dreams 💖💖💖

#dreambig #diaworld #myworld #mumlife #newmom #careerpath #mummyblogger #followdreams #findyourself #motherhood #notgivingup #positivevibes #support #willpower #feed #soul #mind #young #metime #selflove